


The Normandy misses Ashley.

by themoonowl



Series: A Real Hero [13]
Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Canonical Character Death, Gen, M/M, Mass Effect 1, Post-Virmire, Wakes & Funerals, friendships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-23
Updated: 2020-10-23
Packaged: 2021-03-09 04:48:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,147
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27079081
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/themoonowl/pseuds/themoonowl
Summary: After the events of Virmire, the Normandy mourns a good friend.
Relationships: Garrus Vakarian & Ashley Williams, Jeff "Joker" Moreau & Ashley Williams, Kaidan Alenko & Ashley Williams, Kaidan Alenko & Male Shepard, Kaidan Alenko/Male Shepard, Liara T'Soni & Ashley Williams, Male Shepard & Ashley Williams, Tali'Zorah nar Rayya & Ashley Williams, Urdnot Wrex & Ashley Williams
Series: A Real Hero [13]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1429021
Comments: 4
Kudos: 5





	The Normandy misses Ashley.

There was a tap on the hull.

The edge of Samed's lips curved in response, for just a second before—

_ I understand, Commander. I don’t regret a thing. _

It wasn't her this time. It wasn't her to tell him that it's almost lights out, to remind him to eat or just call him for a nice five minute coffee break.

She wasn't there anymore.

He pushed himself by his feet and slid out from under the Mako. A square face looked over, dark circles under amber eyes that shone even in the dim light. A pleasant flutter passed through Samed's chest—every time, without fail—before it twisted into tightness in his stomach.

He opened his mouth but,

"Commander, I. I—" Alenko sighed. "I guess I wanted to say I'm sorry. What I said back there in the briefing room—"

"You don't have anything to be sorry for." Samed pushed himself even further out and grabbed the small metal bar on the side of the hull when a hand brushed his and pulled up, igniting a bright flash between them.

"Crap." Alenko winced. "I'm sorry. With everything going on I forgot to bleed out my charge. Won't happen—"

"Alenko." His eyes were trembling water over amber. A gnawing feeling pierced Samed's stomach, tightness in his jaw, Ash wasn't there to ease the tension, she wasn't there because of _him,_ because of _this,_ _you should've heeded the regs, Samed, you—_

Warmth. The smell of ozone and Alliance-issue soap filled his senses, strong arms enveloping him. Samed took a shaky breath and tightly returned the hug, his own eyes watering this time.

"I miss her." Kaidan's voice was part his usual gravel, part shivering whisper. "She wasn't in the mess for dinner tonight, and. And you weren't there too, and I know how you, uh." He broke from the hug. "Never mind. Sir." He held his head down.

"She wasn't there to remind me to stop what I'm doing and get some food." Alenko tentatively turned his eyes back on him and Samed managed a thin smile. "Or call me for a coffee break. Or." He shook his head and took a breath. "God. I miss her too."

"I know." There was that rumbling gravel again. "And I want you to know." He sighed. "I'm here too, you know? If you wanna talk, or. Liara told me about how Ash got you two drunk after Noveria. After that asteroid."

Samed softly chuckled. "Yeah. That was Ash's ide—"

_ Wait. _

"—a."

Samed widened his eyes and turned them over to her locker. The locker he dared not touch since they left Virmire. The locker that still had that half a bottle of whiskey in it. Then back to Kaidan's knowing look and nod. "I'm willing to bet no one else is sleeping right now either."

* * *

It was Alenko's idea, programming a still picture of the empty mess into the two cameras overlooking it.  _ Just some precautions, _ he'd said,  _ since we're technically going against the regs. We could put the stuff in juice bars, sure, but about a dozen people gathering in the mess at three AM drinking juice? Whoever watches that footage has to get suspicious about it. _

_A man after his own heart,_ the thought passed through him, and with it another flutter. And another wave of guilt.

"Done with this one." Alenko's voice brought him back to the present. "What about your end?"

"Uh. Yeah. Done." Samed checked the display. It was empty.

"You should really eat though." He turned to Alenko's worried eyes. "Just saying. Alcohol on an empty stomach is never good."

"You don't have to fuss over me, Kaidan."

"I don't have to, sure. I want to."

Another flutter at that sentence. Another wave of guilt.

_ Not sure I deserve it, Alenko. _

"I received your message. What is this about?" Liara walked in wearing her lab coat. Ash would've scolded her for working so late.

Then again, she'd scold him too.

"Yeah." Garrus walked in too, looking really weird in his Alliance-issue pajamas. Like a really tall and broad-shouldered human. "What's this about, Shepard?"

The elevator door clicked behind him and as large footsteps neared the mess, Samed began, "We're here to honor Ash's memory."

A rumbling, "Ugh, crap," interrupted. "Listen Shepard, I'm not good at this stuff." Wrex turned to walk away. "Find me when there's stuff to shoot. That's how we krogan honor our dead."

"What about whiskey?" Alenko folded his arms and Wrex stopped and turned back around.

"You pyjacks managed to get whiskey?"

"Ash did," Samed replied. "Before she." He inhaled. Exhaled. Then felt a hand on his shoulder.

"Whiskey, huh?" Joker slowly walked past Garrus. "Sounds like our gunnery chief alright."

"I think it's a sendoff that's more in her style." Kaidan's hand lingered on Samed's shoulder for a second too long before he pulled away. "Sure, no shooting. Yet. But you'll get a chance soon enough, trust me," he said with a raw edge in his voice.

"Oh! I believe this is the human custom of a wake, where we recount our memories of Ashley. And." Liara exhaled a shivering breath. "She did the same for me, when Benezia died. And for the Commander's family. I. I believe she would approve of this."

“We quarians have a similar custom.”

“Turians as well. And,” Garrus turned to Tali, “I got just the thing to replace the human whiskey for the two of us here of the dextro persuasion. If you’re interested of course.”

Tali nodded. “I am. After this?” She sighed. “Keelah. It’s a good thing we’re doing this, Shepard.”

Samed gave everyone a thin smile.

* * *

The table was quiet at first. A loud kind of quiet, one without Ash’s remarks and usual provocations. Everyone held their respective glass, their heads hung low. He should probably start this. He was the commander. He was responsible for what happened, after all. But the words were still lodged in his throat.

What would Ash even say to all of this?  _ What, all that gossiping in the cargo hold and you can’t find a single thing to say, Skipper? _ Samed shook his head and took a deep breath. Then raised his glass.

“Ash was. She was a different sort. A soldier, but. Complex. Very critical about things, but. A good friend. The best friend anyone could’ve asked for. To her." He took a sip.

Liara stood up with a raised glass. "Before she died, Ashley made up a nickname for me. She. She called me Bluebird. And. Ah." Tears filled Liara's eyes and rolled down blue cheeks. "I promised myself I wouldn't cry."

"It's okay," Kaidan got up and helped her sit down. "Take your time Liara."

Liara exhaled a crying breath. "She was the one that taught me how a gun works. She gave me her old armor. She. She." Liara shook her head and raised her glass. "To Ashley."

"To Ashley," the whole room echoed as Liara took the smallest of sips. And then a big gulp and winced.  _ You're getting the hang of this, Bluebird,  _ the thought passed through Samed like a ghost.

"Alright, this is getting too mushy for me so I'll just say it. Williams gave me a really nice blanket when I first got here."

Liara stopped crying. The whole room just stared at Wrex.

"What? It's really cozy. Makes sleeping in the cargo hold nice for a change."

“You could’ve told me you had trouble sleeping Wrex. I would’ve sent in a requisition order or—”

“Nah, no need. Williams took care of it on the first day. She was a great shooter too. Hell of a female. To her!” Wrex drank the entire glass in one gulp.

“Wrex is right," Garrus said. "Ash really was one hell of a shooter. There was this one time with, uh. With the pirates?”

“You will have to be more specific, Garrus,” Tali said. “We  _ always _ fight pirates. And geth. Seriously, why do we never come across something else for a change?”

“Well there were the rachni that my mother studied.”

“Uh. Guys?” Alenko waved a hand. “This was supposed to be about Ash?”

“Well it issss!” Tali drawled. Whatever Garrus gave her must have been really strong. Or perhaps she was a lightweight like Liara. “Ash always gave me the best shotguns, and I wasted them on— _ hic— _ pirates. Keelah.” She shook her head. “She wouldn’t be there to give me guns anymore. Or battle tips. Or.” She hung her head in her palms. "Keelah se'lai, Ash. I'll miss you." She took a sip through her straw as the rest of the crew flimsily repeated that line, "Keelah se'lai."

"Guess it's my turn now, huh?" Alenko cleared his throat and cupped his glass with both palms. “Ash is… was. Ash. Was. A friend. She’d tease you, occasionally. Heh. More like always, but. It was good having her around. She was—crap, I thought I had more to say, but.” He sighed and turned his eyes on Samed. It lingered, whatever that look was between them, like the Lieutenant was searching for something inside of him. A long moment which ended with another of Alenko's sighs. "I miss her. To Ash."

"To Ash," Samed raised a glass first, followed by everyone else.

Joker sighed. "Never knew Williams that well. Like Kaidan said, she liked messing with people. But you could always tell she did it out of—I don't know. Love? Respect maybe? Point is, if she makes you the butt of her jokes, consider yourself lucky. You'd just made a friend. And she messed with me a lot." Joker raised a glass, followed by silence. And took a sip.

* * *

It was barely morning when the whiskey bottle was finally emptied. And yet, no one left. Everyone on that mess table continued sharing stories, well into breakfast. A spot was left free, an empty chair for Ash. A chair that she still sat on in a way, looking over the entire wake held in her honor and memory. And smiling.

A smile drew on Samed's lips too as he drank the last sip from his cup, his gaze fixed on that chair. On her.

But it was an angry, bitter kind of smile. An unspoken promise to her soul now departed from this world:  _ Saren will pay. _

To which she would probably say,  _ Counting on it, Skipper. _

Time went by in a haze. Putting the cameras back the way they were, a shower, writing reports. Calling Ash's family with the bad news. The bitter thanks from her mother for notifying her. Promising a formal funeral once the mission was over, telling her how Ash constantly talked about them throughout the mission. A less bitter thanks. A thanks filled with sorrow.

An apology on his part. The promise to honor her daughter's memory. Ending the call, emptiness weighing down his chest. He needed to—

The door opened. A gravelly: "Hey. Wanna talk?"

"Kaidan..." Samed turned, ready to send the Lieutenant away and do some solid crying by himself, but. Kaidan still looked at him with those watery eyes, a look that repeated what he'd said when they were alone in the mess. _I'm here too._

"I heard what you said to Ash's mom." Samed raised a brow. "Uh." Kaidan cleared his throat. "Thin walls. Sir."

Silence on Samed's part. Even a small smile felt difficult to do. But he did move the second chair with his foot, an unspoken invitation which Kaidan took and sat down.

"I know you said you're sorry to her, but the truth is. I am the one who—"

"I said you have nothing to be—"

"I know that. I. I thought it through. And, this might sound dumb but." Kaidan sighed. "I made a promise back there. Both to her and me, that I'm gonna do everything in my power to stop Saren."

"I made that promise too," Samed whispered and managed the tiniest twitch of a smile he could muster.

"It's his fault, not yours, nor mine, nor anyone's. Ash, the krogan. Everything. I was hoping he could be redeemed at first, but after this? He's going down." Anger in his voice. Anger in those glassy eyes.

"Just no heroics, Kaidan. Please."  _ I can't lose you too, _ words that didn't get the chance to vocalize between them. "Please," he repeated that quietly.

The anger in Kaidan's eyes softened. He took a deep breath and exhaled. "Okay. Yeah." Then turned his glassy gaze back to him. "I promise, Shepard."

A smile finally drew on Samed's lips, and he pulled Kaidan into a hug. 

Saren may have eluded them once more, but something hung in the air, something that told that the end was near. That  _ Saren's _ end was near. That once they get to Ilos, both he and Kaidan would get to fulfill their promises to Ash.


End file.
